Wierd Thoughts by Me! (Alex Christensen)

Careful-- my thoughts can sometimes be a little deep! (Ha ha-- like a swimming pool.) Don't be offended by any of them. I know some of them are really dumb and some don't make sense to you.

1. "Support your local firefighters" -- are they suggesting arson?

2. Don't hide in a monkeys arm-pit -- It may be hot and stinky!

3. If you're asked to be a speaker in church are they going to plug you into the organ?

4. "Support your local peace officers" -- are they suggesting crime?

5. I'd hate to know how many people a dvd player has been out with.

5.5. Since cd players are so common shouldn't they be called something different because of their reputation?

6. A hospital motto: "Caring For the Future" -- If I were them I would be caring for our patients. If they are caring for the future when are gas prices going to go down?

7. Aim brand toothpaste -- I could die waiting for them to say fire. (Aim; but when do you fire?)

8. On a box of cereal: "Heart Healthy Weight Loss". I don't think my heart has any weight to lose.

9. You say you miss him? That's good if you're the bad aim.

10. Rotten people are like twisted lumber: they make all of the others go like them.

11. There's another side to the lumber analogy too: There's crooked people, twisted people, and knotty/naughty people, but the straight people are the hardest to find.

12. Mission: Change the second "i" to "s" and add a space before= miss son.

13. On a pizza box: "Cooking Instructions: Cook before eating" -- Bummer, I thought I would take a bite out of it frozen and uncooked. How dumb do they become?

14. "Immunize by 2" -- Do they mean my friend's computer? If so I think it's too late.

15. College -- Is that what happens before you jump off a cliff? (call "ledge")

16. "Support your local schools" -- Does the government not already take enough?

17. Poor-- When another person has less money than you.

18. Rich-- When another person has more money than you.

19. There are toothbrushes, hairbrushes, dogbrushes etc... what kind of a brush does bigfoot use?

20. Employee pay raise: 99% goverment and 1% employee.

21. When someone shouts: "On Belay" does it mean you're now alive or high on some medication called belay? [belay is a climber term meaning lifeline]

22. Market crash -- when did stores ever fly?

23. Table -- Is that more closely related to Tae Bo or Cable?

24. Masking tape -- Does it really "hide" anything?

25. Is a year a "y-shaped" ear?

26. Chemistry=brain+trouble-easy+time/my_attention (equation)

27. Hunger -- Is that what happens when your "honey" growls? (hun-grr)

28. If you have 88 contacts in your address book does that mean you see 43 times better than someone with 2?

(Don't worry-- I won't quit my day job!)

29. (I didn't think this one up but it's great!): Support the [county name] Search and Rescue: GET LOST!
13 Sep 2005